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FIVYOLEN HENDRA



Have you ever felt an emotional connection with someone you never met before?
All I could remember was this stupid feelings. No idea when its build, where do I even started. 

Well, I was single and bored. I wanted to try to be in a relationship once. The line of guys chasing me was huge, but I wasn't interested in any of them. Then, this guy contacted me on a chatting site. The pictures he had were drop dead gorgeous. I was drooling. (lol just kidding, but really i was wow-ed!) 

The text happened in one night and definitely continue till the night after that, and more. I still remember it clearly. He had studied abroad. He was so smart and great to talk to. He's really sweet and he definitely a player (really good at his words and enthusiastic) He had lived abroad all his life, recently come back on his parents insistence. We've talked all important things: zodiac, politics, relationship and childhood traumas. We've also had some pretty solid emoticon exchanges. However, this feeling remain a mystery to me because what confounds me the most is that him and I never meet up.

One part of it is because I want to shut it all down, not because I don't have feelings, but because I do. To be honest, i feel a bit like a bad person writing this, because all common sense would suggest that I should at least meet up with this guy since we did emotionally connect. All i can say that feelings are scary. 

Why? because he was a dream come true! We exchanged numbers. He sent me sweet messages, He cared. He asked me out twice, I bailed them. However, I felt bad and start to initiate the meeting. But, when I do....  

He is busy. He had an accident. Bad traffic. Overtime. Every excuse in the book. Phone broken, urgent meeting, etc. Fool that I was, I put aside every misgiving. Still, I didn't wake up. I knew he was too good to be true. This guy who claimed to like me madly had never sent me a single pic.
One day I woke up. A simple act from him and my world came crashing. Funny thing is, I had actually fallen for him badly. I mean, who wouldn't? I desperately wanted to find someone who's constant. I was lonely and foolish. I thought I deserved the best but he fooled me for months. I swallowed his web of action for so long, fell in love with a fantasy.

I let him in, gave him the keys to my heart, where he probably did not meet the cut in the first place. I shouldn't have assume anything in the first place. I realized, he chased me just for the thrill of it, once that thrill wears off, he move on to another. Well, much like a child with a new toy. Bye to you, sir. I bid your sorry ass, goodbye.

Ladies, if a boy is ignoring you, did a fade or is hot and cold, his relationship with you ended way before he disappears, literally and figuratively. Its okay to cry and whining, but pick up your dignity off the floor, be a high quality woman and move on! Let that door stay shut and remember, don't lower yourself to that level. He may say all kinds of sweet nothings to you, but let that sh*t go and move on! Don't over analyze what he said or did. It is what it is, girl. 

And be glad! because you just saved yourself from a lifetime of heartache. The reason he left doesn't really matter, because if its matter, he won't treat you girls like month old leftovers. so show yourself some love. Boy will be just B.O.Y as they always put Burden On You, where as M.AN - they will Meet All of Your Needs. Therefore, say no to too much work and games. Moreover, sweet nothing. 

Reading this post, would you still use online interaction for special someone? I mainly hope this post doesn't change your perceptive towards what you believe on social media love, but for you to be careful and don't take things too fast. Especially for introverts, online interaction is great because you can exactly express what you feel. The cons though, there is a 50-50 chances for the relationship to work. Because it left us wonder whether they are that good at the commitment or they just only up to saying sweet words. 

My advice to you, my dear who reading this is that don't get stuck on that level of online interaction for very long time. Get to know them, give chance to meet with each other. Base your judgement on experience rather than blind belief. Generalizing people on social media are always harmful is also stupid. Keep your options wide open, Control the only thing you can control, Invest in Yourself, Have fun, be smart and girls, always know your self-worth! 
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2 comments


I want you to know why I couldn't take a step closer.
Your appearance is gradually getting far from my sight.
It makes my heart ache again.
The pain isn't going away, I'm just getting customized to it now.

Dear Pa,
I miss you so much, sometimes it feels like I still can't believe if this really happened. You had always promised you'd be around for a long, long time. I know this was not in your plans, never. Not a day goes by when I don't imagine what life would be like had you not gone. Every situation that I find myself in (be it a family reunion, dinner, my job, birthday etc) I always imagine a scenario where you're present and sharing in my happy moments.

There are still so many things I wish I had said before and so many things I wish I had asked. I wish we have more picture together. Even, if I close my eyes right now, I can even picture your facial expressions as you'd say things and act. And hey, I dreamed of you today. Missing you, papa.

Thank you, papa. Thank you for your love. Your memories, and for being a good, kind - hard working human being who encouraged me to be the best person I can be. There's no question in my mind that you're watching over us here. My only comfort is that I know you loved us with everything you had and I know that you fought the hardest battles. Love you, pa - more than anything in the world.

Your 1/4 little girls.
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BETTER OFF. 

I spent so many thoughts convincing myself that i am worthy. 
I spent so many efforts to show I was known. 
I spent so many nights thinking that i was right. 
I push my head to be stubborn in reaching my own goals. 
I never meant to intimidate you in a way. 
I thought I am friendly enough. 
I never thought I'm good enough tho. 
I wish I can go as far as I could, leaving right this second. 
I knew this would happen unexpectedly. 
I wish I knew all these values. 


We all have ever been tempted to be hopeful in a very hopeless situation. It's like the first time you open a door. This thing I'm feeling right now never felt this hard. I remember when I was child I always wish to grow up really soon so that I can do all things I was never allowed to do.  

Always be fearless in the pursuit of what sets your soul on fire. 

Today, I did what I meant to do. 

I did everything I could so that they could relax their body a little and it would be nice to indulge me with a warm smile and support once in a time. 

Harsh words and under appreciated? Well, It stings a little. I suppose that's life. 

Silent heart, sealed mouth, so there is no judgement. 

And that is alright, I guess



At the end of the day, they were always there with me.. the light at the end of a very long tunnel. Like no sling nor arrow, no sword or storm cloud, could ever harm me. 

Alcohol, wise word and even laughter may not fix what is broken this time, but I'm sure things will be better off soon. I just wished someone told me before I wished something like this back then. 
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Olen. June babes. ♥
Lifestyle and sometimes a random writer, enjoying life to the fullest and novels are my favorite things.

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